i have been emptied.

early this year, i prayed for God to ruin me. in the months following, my life was stripped away. my steady relationship, my easy faith, my summer plans, most everything i thought was "a given" was taken. i did not understand why a Father who loved so much would let me hurt so much. i did not know how to handle having the things that kept me so comfortable gone. i tried to hold on to them &when that didn't work i just focused on what we lost. i slip to the bottom, trying to hold myself as i let the darkness settle. i chose to close my eyes rather than search for whatever Light i could find. i was giving up.
now, seven months since i prayed that dangerous prayer, i am growing. actually, i am thriving! once i learned to get back up &for a new way, my healing truly began. i reconnected with the one person i forgot in all of everything, my spirit. not my selfish wants &desires but the person God created. i had forgotten i was hand crafted with Divine intention. i stopped denying traits that weren't easy. i stopped trying to accommodate others only. i remembered me. it wasn't until i acknowledged that i needed special attention that change really started to happen. finally, i looked at my reflection &the bruised, cut up, poorly attended condition of my soul. &soon, i wasn't just healing, i was growing. my life started to flourish when i started to embrace who i am &well, life. it is no longer about getting to where i used to be. why ho back down a path that obviously wasn't going anywhere? now, my life is about the excitement &adventure of change. in ecclesiastes it talks about there being a season for everything. i now know that it is time for a new season &God is going to bless this new season in new &incredible ways. He already has.

heaven on earth.

"For Jesus, this new kind of life in Him is not about escaping this world but about making it a better place, here and now. The goal for Jesus isn't to get into heaven. The goal is to get heaven here." -Rob Bell

i think we are missing a big part of the Christian faith. so much of the church's focus is on the "get Jesus &get saved" notion but i think that shouldn't be the point. look at Christ's life. He didn't spend all His time waiting for Heaven. He used His time to simply help &to heal. His goal wasn't Heaven after death but bringing the Kingdom here. once we have accepted our place in the family of grace we are not supposed to think only of what is to come. the plan was never get saved &wait. Jesus wants us to bring Heaven to earth." Your Kingdom come on Earth as it is in Heaven." that is our prayer, but is it just words from our lips or a true desire? our focus needs to be on now &the Creation that surrounds us. when we focus on only the "after life" we lose focus that we are alive now. we are called to bring the joy &comfort &peace that we know through our Father into this life, into this world. everyone should experience Heaven &God. we can be the messengers of love. we can be the bridges of hope.

(mission trip in nicaragua through "puentes de esperanza")