i have been emptied.

early this year, i prayed for God to ruin me. in the months following, my life was stripped away. my steady relationship, my easy faith, my summer plans, most everything i thought was "a given" was taken. i did not understand why a Father who loved so much would let me hurt so much. i did not know how to handle having the things that kept me so comfortable gone. i tried to hold on to them &when that didn't work i just focused on what we lost. i slip to the bottom, trying to hold myself as i let the darkness settle. i chose to close my eyes rather than search for whatever Light i could find. i was giving up.
now, seven months since i prayed that dangerous prayer, i am growing. actually, i am thriving! once i learned to get back up &for a new way, my healing truly began. i reconnected with the one person i forgot in all of everything, my spirit. not my selfish wants &desires but the person God created. i had forgotten i was hand crafted with Divine intention. i stopped denying traits that weren't easy. i stopped trying to accommodate others only. i remembered me. it wasn't until i acknowledged that i needed special attention that change really started to happen. finally, i looked at my reflection &the bruised, cut up, poorly attended condition of my soul. &soon, i wasn't just healing, i was growing. my life started to flourish when i started to embrace who i am &well, life. it is no longer about getting to where i used to be. why ho back down a path that obviously wasn't going anywhere? now, my life is about the excitement &adventure of change. in ecclesiastes it talks about there being a season for everything. i now know that it is time for a new season &God is going to bless this new season in new &incredible ways. He already has.